Monet Smile

Well, after many, many, many years thinking about doing something about my Monet smile, I am officially DOING something about my Monet smile. You're asking yourself, What's a 'Monet Smile?"

Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's ok, but up close, it's a big old mess.

P.S. Clueless is one of the GREATEST MOVIES EVER!

I digress. So, I had an appointment with an orthodontist this morning. Who was not at all like the orthodontist I had when I was 11 who made me feel super uncomfortable and would not stop talking about how "cool" it was that we had the same name. And he was a man. Ugh. Because, yes, I had braces when I was younger. I wore them for two years, and then they came off. And then he gave me a retainer, which, admittedly, I wore not as often as one is supposed to wear it. But then it broke when I was in high school and I made the [bad] decision not to tell my parents about it because 1) I hated wearing the thing and b) I didn't want to add money stress. Soooo, long story short, I am now going to be almost 3o and wearing braces. Hot, right? Maybe I'll start wearing low-cut, tight shirts to divert attention. :)

Getting my teeth situation straightened out (pun intended) was on my Mental Bucket List for Turning 30. The things I didn't write down on paper, but still wanted to get accomplished. I won't have perfectly straight teeth by the time I'm 30, but I will by the time I'm 31 :)

The Bridal B*tch

Wow, I am really bad at posting on this blog! A lot has happened in the last two months, the biggest one being Big Sister got engaged! As the MOH and BB (that's Maid of Honor and Bridal Bitch to those of you not in the know) it is my duty to keep her smiling as things get stressful. Manfriend used their puppy to pop the question (a-dorable) and planning is in full gear. I even attended my first bridal fair EVER last weekend. And got through it without being too snarky, although there was a point when Mom and I just kind of looked at each other and said..."this is weird..." Oh well...I carried my BB duty of carrying all the swag with verve and diligence. :)

We also celebrated my parent's 40th wedding anniversary this past month. Forty years seems like a really long time but I think a successful marriage happens (having absolutely no experience of this myself) when you figure out how to put up with each other's "crazy". Looks like my parents have figured that one out!

So congrats to Big Sister and Manfriend on your engagement! The big day is December 10th. Congrats to Mom and Dad for putting up with the crazy for over 40 years! And congrats to me, because I put together a bookshelf all by myself.

How's the Bucket List Going?

So, I started this blog with a 'bucket list' of things I wanted to do before I turned 30. That event is now only nine months away, and I thought I should relook at my list and see how I'm doing...

• Go Sky Diving
• Ride a Mechanical Bull
• Run a Marathon (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! 10/4/2010)
• Go to Alaska (Was going to go last October, but plans changed...this one might need to be folded into the 'Turning 40 Bucket List')
• Write a Novel
• Go on an Epic Road Trip (MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!! Road trip to Michigan with the Sister. Couldn't find the mountain in Wisconsin even though we could see it, got lost in Michigan, climbed a sand dune, stopped at a dairy farm and petted cows, and even ran in a 5k race!)
• Get a Tattoo
• Make the Perfect Martini

So, I've accomplished a couple, working on a couple more...waiting until it gets warmer out to get the tattoo as I think I'll get it on my foot and need to be able to not wear shoes for a while afterwards and while I have made "the perfect" spiked eggnogs, bloody marys and glasses of red wine (that one is pretty easy) I have yet to perfect the martini.

The skydiving is going to get checked off the list when I'm in Boston this spring I think! :) Still on the look-out for the mechanical bull...

The Twelve Days of Passive/Aggressive Facebook Holiday Rants 2010

This year, I decided to create a list of Passive/Aggressive Holiday Rants. Originally posted on Facebook, I have gathered them here in one space for full enjoyment.

(No relatives were harmed in the making of these rants)

(and only a few are focused on anything real...you figure them out ;) )

#12
Of course it makes sense that it is more expensive to sit on Santa's lap than spend a day at Adventureland. On the one hand, your child gets to sit for 60-90 seconds on a total [male] stranger's lap. On the other hand, you have the Raging River. And that weird bear band in the Main Street area. And the Dragon. And the Tornado. And tons of Eastside WT.

#11
Dear Uncle Bob,
My personal life is not up for discussion. It's really not your business if I am dating. I do not ask if you are still happy in your marriage. The fact that you don't speak to each other except to criticize makes me think probably not.

Dear Second Cousin Morty,
We are related. Stop hitting on me. Our children would have seven fingers on each hand.

#10
Hey Wal-Mart...pork isn't kosher. So you should probably not have ham for sale with a sign that says "Hanukkah Special". Same advice goes to you regarding steaks and a "Diwali Special". Just trying to help you out there.

#9
Socks are the best holiday gift ever. You can never have enough socks. I especially like the ones with bells on them. That jingle with every step you take. No sneaking up on Santa in those things. No sneaking up at all.

#8
Yes. The egg nog is spiked. It's the holidays. People are supposed to be sloshed from December 1 until January 2. It's the law. Deal with it. Now, let's talk politics.

#7
It's always fun when Little Brother brings his toxic girlfriend to holiday events. Especially as she only eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and goes on and on about how gross vegetables are in front of the young children. Who then refuse to eat their vegetables too because all of a sudden an "adult" doesn't like them. Awesome.

#6
Yes, Uncle Bob. Please do tell the ultra graphic story of your recent prostate exam at the dinner table. That is not at all inappropriate. Perfect dinner conversation!

#5
Forcing your pet to wear elf ears or a Santa hat is totally degrading for the animal. But also totally awesome. Marge especially hates it. Yet we do it every year. :)

#4
Hey drunk guy at the bar on New Year's Eve-How did you know that I wanted to be bothered by you constantly-especially when you start singing Bon Jovi songs at me? You are not at all ruining New Years...not at all.

#3
Yes, please lets start talking politics after several bottles of wine and beer. That is of course the time for the ultra conservative and uber liberal branches of the family to discuss their polar opposite opinions on everything. Hurrah! Booze and health care...the perfect combo!

#2
Holiday sweaters have one use: To be on a sales rack at Savers so that my friends and I can buy you for $3 for "Ugly Holiday Sweater" parties. Don't be offended. Just don't buy anything beaded. Ever.

#1
Big family Christmas get-togethers are about getting together...not presents. But I like DVDs. :)

Happy Holidays everyone! Whatever you celebrate, celebrate with smiles. And alcohol.

Winter in Minnesota

Chilling on the grounds of the State Capital after finishing the 2010 Twin Cities Marathon!


Rosie the Riveter in the House!


So, apparently I haven't posted anything since August. So here is a rundown of the Top 20 things that I have done or have been done in my presence or I feel the need to celebrate or commiserate since August:

(In order of how my mind remembers, not chronologically or level of coolness)


1. I turned 29 in September and had a big fun joint birthday celebration with Manfriend Pat.
2. Iowa State football team beat ranked Texas. In Texas. Holy crap!
3. I ran a marathon. That's pretty crazy. Ran it injured. Not smart. Finished it and have the swag to prove it. And the bum knee.
4. Glee is back on!
5. True Blood is gone until next Summer :(
6. I saw Back to the Future in the movie theater.
7. I moved to a new apartment in a super fun neighborhood.
8. I dressed as Rosie the Riveter for Halloween.
9. The suburbs still make me apprehensive. Will avoid moving there at all costs.
10. I am no longer an IKEA hater. New duvet cover-$14. Yes Thank You!
11. I think Brett Favre is a dirtbag. I did not like him last season, and now that he's throwing this season, others have joined my team of Favre-Haters.
12. I dropped out of Christmas Chorale. I am done with the Northwest suburbs. And I didn't like the music. I'll miss our awesome director though.
13. Bishops Pie is the best and I will make one every month until I weigh 200 pounds and can't fit between my sink and stove anymore. Yeah, my new place is pretty small...
14. One of the radio stations in the Twin Cities started playing Christmas music on November 8. That is SO not acceptable.
15. We had our first snow last weekend. It was beautiful :)
16. I've become a bit of a Cupid.
17. Some crackpot surburban kid killed two women in Iowa this week. I thought St. Louis Park was one of the nice suburbs. Just goes to show you...suburbs suck.
18. The movie Burlesque looks absolutely ridiculous. And not in the ridiculous way that I like, but in the "holy crap this is the worst thing ever" kind of way.
19. I might be the only person still renting dvds from Blockbuster. And they should reward me. With free dvd rentals.
20. Going to Boston in February! Haven't seen my friends out there in over TWO YEARS! Ridiculous!

Chatterbox as a Protestor?

So, I think that if I looked back over the past two years, I probably average about 2 trips to Target a week. It doesn't help that I live in the Twin Cities and there are SO MANY Target stores here. Also, Super Targets have grocery stores...so yeah...:) However, after the $150,000 donation to MN Forward, which gives money to a MN gubernatorial candidate opposed to gay marriage, I decided to boycott Target. I'm only one person, and I definitely don't spend thousands of dollars there, but it was something I felt I had to do. And now, even though Target is apologizing for the donation, I am going to avoid shopping at the big box store. I already refuse to shop at Wal-Mart and K-Mart freaks me out...so I'm learning to shop at grocery stores again. And luckily I have easy access to really fresh and delicious produce (since Cub Foods does not...). And so, Target, I bid you adieu.

OK Stupid?

Ok, so after many, many, many conversations with my friend Maggie, I am going to attempt the weird and possibly terrifying world of online dating. I have been told that I can no longer use "I have no time" as an excuse now that the bakery is closed and I only have one job. Damn. So, onward and upward. This could get interesting...I won't use actual names, but I bet I'll have some stories...:/ I'm using OK Cupid. Because it's free.